The Iron & The Geek

aurora

2010-03-19T01:52:00.004Z

A crazy friend who has been trekking across Europe for the past six months just posted Facebook pictures of the northern lights, or Aurora, she took from Tromo, Norway.

Up till now I never really wished to travel Europe, because I view it as something trivial that goes down waaay below my list of priorities. These pictures triggered a want within me that I didn't even know existed. Perhaps I wanna just leave my responsibilities at the door for once, to be my crazy nomadic friend and travel the world aimlessly for six months while leaving the world to its squabbles and worries.

These pictures made me realise how I've lost my mojo, the one that kept me going through the late nights at work and early morning classes. It was something I tried to medicate that with the occasional trips to the bars chased down with a vodka mixer or ten, but not even Tiesto's bumping concert could remedy that.

I guess after all this, I just eventually grew tired of number crunching and fancy schmancy engineering software. I tire of having to balance my expenditure every week and project the numbers so I can afford a goddamn trip to Amsterdam. I tire of work and responsibilities and adulthood and the family's new Tanjung Bungah house loans and bright futures and I want to be a fucking hippie.

But in the end when all is said and done I will return to my responsibilities and weekly balance sheets just because I won't ever allow myself to be one. Sigh. Strange how an image of dancing colours in the sky could bring out the whining pansy in me.

2009-11-19T01:19:00.004Z

Tell me, does it make sense that you find yourself pining for a (not so old) flame on her birthday, even though the only communication you had with her were a mere few MSN chat logs since the breakup? Or was that just the pent-up libido talking?

Yeah. I thought it is the libido too.

hello from beyond the cyberspace grave!

2009-10-26T01:30:00.008Z

Ahem. Now I know I haven't been writing since....June? Oh God, this blog isn't just dead. It has been buried and decomposed and disappeared into the darkest corners of cyberspace, and I shouldn't even bother trying to resuscitate it in the first place.

But I'm bored, and I got an extra hour free (woohoo!) because of the daylight saving time. Having a 25 hour day is awesome, I can tell you, and it couldn't have come at a better time too, at the end of a long week. You might be surprised to know that against all odds of me using this wonderful 25 hour day to sleep/watch porn/go shopping/drink myself silly/complete mindless RPG quests where you have to kill the naughty, naughty wizard holding a (usually big busted) damsel in distress, I have decided to curl in bed with a novel. The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. If you are looking for something as thrilling as Dan Brown's novels, this is what you are looking for. It is a mystery thriller that is both intelligent and gripping with a really macabre twist, I assure you. Most importantly, will keep you so engrossed that you will forget about the 10 degree temperature nibbling away at your balls. However, please bear in mind that the suggestive book cover has absolutely nothing to do with my impulsive purchase of it.

Oh, and I bought myself a simple little digital camera to take pictures of the beautiful autumn scenery, so there will hopefully be more pictures on this blog. I would LOVE any generous tips and tricks on how to tweak digicam pics into something that would even remotely resemble whatever those £400 DSLRs can spit out. Xinxian, I'm looking at you, that is if you still read this zombie of a blog. You and your ridiculously blue (but beautiful!) skies that could only be created by sliding Photoshop colour panels and other wizardlike whatchamacallits.

Apart from that, nothing much changed in these few months, except that my four years of crunching numbers have come to fruition in the form of a piece of paper that is supposedly an engineering degree (um, whee?), my Masters course still holds me a slave to the education system, and that somehow I have once again landed myself in a fling, one which eventually evolved into a long distance relationship which I have no idea on how to go about with. I need help. Advice. Stat!

the only thing a man with a plan needs is a determination to see it through come hell or high water

2009-06-26T22:09:00.002+01:00

Yesterday while I was in the waves of alcoholic delirium I glimpsed a little bit more of my 10 year road-to-riches plan. Because you know, alcohol makes everything clearer, and we are talking about five near-consecutive Jagerbombs right here into a bloodstream already infused with beer and vodka.

russell peters was SERIOUS!!

2009-06-23T11:33:00.004+01:00

Here's a quick survival tip for you guys who may or may not one day find yourselves fighting to get across an impossibly packed dance floor at the club on a Saturday night with a tray full of empty glasses in your hands. If you were to ever hear the piping trumpets of the opening YMCA tune, drop that tray and get the hell out of the dance floor even if it meant punching six-foot angmohs in your way because if you don't you can, and you will, inevitably get slapped by the countless hands that shoot up when the Village People goes "whYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY".

White people seriously love their anthem.

three weeks

2009-06-17T17:23:00.001+01:00

Last Saturday it suddenly hit me that I am now thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away from home and hey guess what I have to work for my moolah now and there is this thing called financial planning because no I can't call my mom to bank in some money or expect my big sis to drop by with a few greens everytime I run out of cash so welcome to the life of an adult's responsibility now if you will excuse me I must unload the hissing dishwasher and try not to burn my hands oh did I mention that I have an assignment due on Monday? Because I do, and it is proving to be a real bitch.

On a lighter note, the lecturer praised the assignment highly, I am so getting that oversized Zara beanie now that I am earning some quids, and last night at work some busty blonde who probably has a fetish for Chinese boys actually rushed over (I kid you not) and tried to dance with me. Like, yeah okay I am really flattered but the idea of getting fired after only two shifts isn't very appealing.

Also, now that I find that my pictures always brighten boring, nonsensical rants, here is a one of me in York, once again reaffirming my manhood by placing a World War 2 artillery cannon between my crotch,

Admit it. A WW2 era, gigantic phallic cannon between my legs? I drip with so much manliness that even Rambo would turn gay for me.

york!

2009-06-13T00:04:00.003+01:00

Hello people! Tomorrow I shall be going off to York!

Actually the only reason I'm tagging along this trip is because pretty much everyone else I know is going, so what the heck. The Gothic cathedrals over there seem pretty cool, and since I've always wanted to visit ~~Amsterdam~~ Vatican City for the cathedrals I figured that this would be a great trip to warm up my pilgrimage as a God fearing Christian.

Just kidding. I just wanna take pictures of me pulling faces at the gargoyles. Ooh. They have some sort of a haunted house too. Now that would spice things up. Heh.

hello from uk!

2009-06-11T16:03:00.008+01:00

I know, I know. I should have brought a camera with me, or at least a phone equipped with one so that I could camwhore left and right and put up pictures of my room on Facebook for the pleasures of whatever weird voyeurs that might lurk out there, like every other Joe in my course. So much for me and my basic phone eh.

Oh, and if it wasn't obvious already in that picture my balls were slowly dropping off from the cold. Summer my ass. When I heard that it was summer in the UK I went "Oh that shouldn't be too bad perhaps a cotton hoodie will do. After all, summer is all about the FUN IN THE SUN and PLEASANTLY WARM temperature, right?"

Wrong. We actually had hail yesterday. It felt like God was pissing kidney stones on us.

It had been two weeks since I landed in the UK, and well, despite my complaints about the weather, I am really starting to call this place home. Oh suuure, there were that two major assignments we got on the first week itself, or that series of vaccination we were subjected to (I am extremely terrified of needles, because they seem to go into the flesh like a hot knife through butter okay how could you not be terrified of that), but Sheffield's charm is starting to get to me.

And what charm, you may ask. Well, first of all, 7 out of 10 women here are HOT. And I mean Megan Fox hot, not the Malaysian (meh) Dreamgirl hot. When I dropped by one of the clubs I actually felt intimidated by their sheer number and hotness. Like okay ohmygawd she looks like Emma Watson meets Kate Beckinsale okay okay act cool why the fuck are you holding your beer like that stop crossing your legs ACT COOL you wuss!

(For those of you who might make the likely conclusion, I swear that is not the reason I'm getting a job at the clubs. A senior offered me that job, cross my heart)

And the lecturers! They are so friendly that it scares us okay. Back at TARC the typical engineering lecturer would be a balding old man with inch thick glasses walking about with a frown. Okay lah there is one guy here who is something like that but he keeps on giving us tips on how to increase our marketability as engineers next time so that makes him pretty alright.

I have another lecturer who brought in a football during the first lecture, declared that she (yes, a she) is a Sheffield United fan (whooo Sheffield!!) and then started tossing that ball at us so that the person who caught it would have to stand up and introduce themselves. You know lah TARCians all damn shy wan so some actually ducked in their seats to avoid catching that ball. Damn funny. Then there is another guy who has a killer CV, ex-Boeing engineer and all. He actually calculated how much we are paying for a minute of his time, which is 20 pence btw, and then triumphantly declared that, and I quote, "For every five minutes you come late to class, you wasted £1."

I think it had some effect on us, because everyone is penny-pinching here and £1 is a big deal to us because you could actually buy a can of baked beans and live on it for half a day! I survived on microwaved food for a week (do not attempt that because I found out the hard way that a diet of irradiated food is extremely bowel-unfriendly) before I summon up the guts to go within a five feet radius of the oven and cook something by myself without burning the entire building down.

I ended up with a reasonably edible chicken sandwich and omelette. My skillzzz has greatly improved since then, because I just made an awesome chicken and egg salad for dinner! And the day before I made grilled chicken breasts and scrambled eggs! Ha! The best chefs in the world are men, didn't you know?

...

Okay lah maybe I need to use slightly more diverse ingredients. The pork shoulder at Sainsbury's look really, really yummy :)

lonely nights once again

2009-05-27T16:23:00.004+01:00

I am writing this post with a whirlwind of mixed feelings raging within me. My RM331 last minute transit flight down to KL to UK is in less than four hours and still I sat here tapping away at the keyboard to convey whatever that is on my mind, only to delete them because I think that my writing skills, which had been sedentary for months are no longer capable of pulling out those emo mumbo jumbo as beautifully as before.

I would probably regret the decision not to sleep when I keel over at the KLIA departure hall. Oh well.

She sent me a message just now, the girl whom I was with in one of those bizarre off-on-off-on relationships again which I used to think are really amusing until I got caught in them. It was like one of those sappy, semi-unhappy endings you see in a chick flick. Boy meets girl, boy and girl falls for each other, boy and girl does the birds and the bees, boy has to go off somewhere far, far away for a long time so he, reluctantly, calls it off. Girl, also reluctantly, takes it in stride and seals it with a three-paged message, complete with a kissing smiley.

Sigh. Even till the end she remains as the girl who turned my world upside down.

I think the hardest part about leaving Malaysia was me wanting so much to return to KL to see her and not given the chance to because, well, it's either that or risk my parents' wrath for leaving them before it is time.

Okay. Enough of this lest I lose possession of my balls. =/

just a passing thought

2009-04-22T08:10:00.003+01:00

We all have our ugly sides, regardless of whether we are conciously aware of its existence or not. I did somehow acknowledge these personality scars deep within, but it wasn't until recently when driven by pure boredom at work, I read this certain #1 worldwide bestseller self-improvement book that thrusted an unsuspecting me into a face to face confrontation with my version of Mr. Hyde.

I should lay off those psych books. Seriously.

that little bank book

2009-03-21T04:56:00.001Z

I never thought that love could be expressed in numbers…until now.

My parents have always been secretive about the family’s financial status, always telling us that we have no money and no we can’t have the cool stuff your rich friends have because we are broke. I do smell the occasional rat when on certain rare occasions they drew out a large sum of money from seemingly nowhere, like the time when they paid RM 27,000 for my Proton Saga in cash. “But it was just a Saga! Besides, it was on sale,” they had insisted when I grilled them about being able to make the payment in cash and not in installments as everyone else would have normally done.

To be frank, I have always somewhat resented the fact that we are financially inferior, or so as I was led to believe. Money was almost always an issue, and when you have an expensive hobby like bodybuilding it strains the pockets even more. I know this sounds childish, but the resentment probably stemmed from the fact that I didn’t get to party as much as I would like to with my other rich friends in Penang, or that paying for fuel for the car seriously bit into my spending (someone actually expressed shock that I managed to last for two months on a full tank…well now you know. Not everyone could gallivant all across KL just like that, you know), or that I have trouble maintaining actual relationships because I could not pay for dates that often (pretty much an oversimplification of the previous relationships, but that’s an entirely different matter).

In a nutshell, yes I do sometimes resent the fact that I didn’t get an unholy allowance as I would have liked.

So I have been busy gathering the documents and information necessary for my UK visa application during the past week, the visa requirements demand that I show financial evidence that I am capable of sustaining myself in the UK, tuition fees, living costs and all.

Boy, I thought. This is going to be tough. In late 2008 my parents bought £10,000 when the UK currency dived, but a closer review of the costs involving the top-up degree and subsequent Masters course calls for a staggering £20,000. Of course, working part time while in the UK could contribute a lot to that number, but the bleeding visa officials nevertheless demand that we show evidence of such financial capability or risk being rejected for a visa. Fuckers.

I made a call to my dad regarding this matter, who listened quietly while I explained.

A short silence.

Fine, he said. I will have the documents sent to you soon.

True to his word, I received mail which contained the necessary financial statements two days later. I shook the contents out of the envelope, and two items dropped onto my lap.

A bank statement from CIMB, confirming the £10,000 in fixed deposit, and…an Amanah Saham Malaysia bank book with my name neatly printed in a typewriter font. Funny. I didn’t even know I have an Amanah Saham account.

I flipped the book open and…oh God. The numbers, they just pounced at me. I stare in disbelief at the pages, marked with numerous transactions printed across the pages which dated back to the year 2000. I was only Form 1 in the year 2000 for chrissakes.

Words fail me. All these years of saving up with the security of my future in mind. All these years of denying not just me, but themselves of little luxuries that they could very well afford just because they wanted to fortify that little bank book a little bit more. All because they could one day hand that little bank book to me and proudly tell me here you go, here’s everything you need to build yourself a future and make sure you make good use of it.

The day that little bank book dropped into my lap I grew up a little bit more. My unfilled desires for material goods; the one terabyte external hard disk, the top notch gaming computer, the Vios, the seemingly bottomless fuel allowance, the dinners at fancy cafes, they all seem so painfully childish now that the little bank book lay open in my lap, its seemingly insignificant numbers dancing across my line of vision. Whaaaasup, they seem to say. It’s good to meet you after all these years hidden in the back drawer of your mom’s closet, so let’s get down to business and prove a thing or two to the visa officials, shall we?

How do you express love in numbers? My parents did it through a little bank book, saturated with the years of transactions that was made in hopes of buying me a future they never had. Something tells me that they got a few more of those stashed somewhere in the house with my other siblings’ names printed on it, waiting for the very moment when the numbers in them are needed.

UK, here I come.

2009-02-05T14:53:00.002Z

The relationship started out as just another fling but yesterday after yet another argument fuelled by her decision to leave college I realised how much she had grown on me when I spent that night wide awake and bothered. It has been two weeks since we last saw each other and I am already sorely missing her schoolgirl giggles and Colgate grin.

Groan.

all I want is to find an easier way to get out of our little heads

2009-02-04T20:37:00.004Z

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice

It is almost 5 in the morning, and still I sit here in front of the computer with my fingers poised over the keyboard, frozen. Not because of a lack of thoughts to communicate, but rather an overwhelming volume of them to a point where it bottlenecked itself and leaving me at a loss for words.

What are you thinking about? Someone asked.

The missus, I replied. Friends. The past. UK. Masters. The future. How it all seemed to be linked together by the invisible web that is the butterfly effect. And how Leona Lewis's rendition of Run always makes everything seem alright.

when I least expected it

2009-01-31T10:29:00.004Z

The girl I am dating just told me she wants to drop out of college. I am still speechless.

vegetables and sex. who would've known?

2009-01-30T17:53:00.007Z

Despite the apparent stick in their ass, you have got to love PETA for their creativity in coming up with highly suggestive commercials to get people to quit eating meat.

Oh, and Whoopi Goldberg made a spoof of the commercial. I dare not click the link lest I have my already fragile eyes vaporised at the very sight of her straddling a cucumber in her undies.

another tirade on exams and our bright sunny future, just to keep the 'Geek' in the blog title relevant

2009-01-25T10:38:00.007Z

...I should learn to summarise my blog titles.

Anyway, hello! Now I know I have been absent from this blog for weeks, but you would have to forgive me for placing my final exams and the many, many exciting nights I spent crunching numbers and the wide wonderful world of trigonometrical calculations at the top of my priority list. I somehow held on to my sanity by indulging in a perverse sort of pleasure by using my thesis draft as rough paper for my calculations. Yes, my thesis draft. I like to think of it as an indirect fuck you to the college that put me through hell writing a 100-page thesis. In case you are wondering, I do see the humongous flaw in defacing my sweat n' blood covered thesis for the sake of the exams that the same effing college that I am trying to spite put me through, BUT REALLY! I need a reason, any reason, to hold on to my sanity.

Still.

It has been a while since I've walked out of exam halls smiling, eager to compare and discuss page-long calculations that still rattles in my head, every fucking symbol of it. Perhaps it is the fact that it is my last examination, perhaps I just wanted to go out with a last hurrah and a bang, perhaps I finally pulled myself together since my first fuckup at the dawn of my Advanced Diploma, perhaps it is the good karma surrounding me as of late, perhaps it is merely God 's way of apologising for a shitty 2008, but boy did I kick that examination's ass.

While we're on the topic of education and our bright futures and all that, my parents have just acquired the email of a cousin who is working in UK. Now, said cousin is some bigshot electrical engineer earning big bucks like nobody's business there, and it's pretty hard to ignore his existence even though he lives tens of thousands of miles away mainly because of his tendency to purchase local real estate as though they're like kuihs sold at the random roadside, something that his mom who is also my aunt would trumpet to the entire satellite family with every million dollar bungalow he buys.

Needless to say, my parents placed their shining hopes on me to follow his footsteps and buy houses left and right too, hence their insistence that I do some sort of Masters and park my ass in the UK for a few years. Nooooooooo pressure at all, people.

So I was thinking like how hard could it be? Because seriously, I was actually told that a friend's housekeeper who merely services an entire Nottingham hostel drives a frigging Z3. A Z3!! Or how another friend's friend who is working as a translator at a hospital could earn enough dough to start buying LV and Burberry shit left and right. Now being the sunny bright optimistic me, I concluded that saving up to buy millions of ringgit of real estate in Penang couldn't be rocket science, so I decided to look Google his company, MyMeth.

(Perhaps it is just me, but did anyone notice ANY form of weird, illegal-sounding wordplay in the company name? MyMeth? As in Meth Saya? As in saya punya METHamphetamine? Just wondering. Hmm.)

I saw the company description on their website and immediately started doubting my sunny optimism about making enough to buy houses in Penang like kuihs.

MyMeth specializes in both hierarchical and flat methodology which covers both physical and timing convergence aspects of sub-130 nanometer design and verification: design partitioning for floorplanning and placement; workable methodology for clock-tree synthesis; congestion analysis and prevention; sub-microns process geometry effects.

I am not from an electrical engineering background, so hey who knows these bombastic jargon could be really just ABCs to the average EE engineer and that my rainbow bunny optimism may be right after all but then they just had to write down shit like nanometer design and sub-microns process geometry effects. Okay it is fucking rocket science. Sigh. So much for my dreams of waltzing my way to bigass bungalows in Penang.

Oh, and on a happier note, Happy Chinese New Year everybody!

(Despite the apparent trend I absolutely refuse to replace the 'New' with 'Niu' because please, people! We already have enough butchered English phrases without adding the cheesy, painfully uncreative ones. Replace 'New' with 'Niu'?? Ohmygawd you're so clever how is it possible that you thought it up you should be on Jay Leno's ohmygawd.)

2009

2008-12-31T18:57:00.011Z

I don't know about you, but I have this personal superstition of mine where I believe that whatever you were doing at the very moment before the clock struck twelve on a significant date would symbolise the outcome of the rest of the year that follows the said date.

In this case, I ushered in 2009 with more than ten glasses of whiskey and beer coursing through my veins, screaming 'HAPPY NEW YEAAAAAAR' in unison with the rest of the club, deafening myself in the process. For that brief moment amidst the flurry of clanking glasses and bottles amongst friends and strangers alike, everybody became friends. Compared to how I celebrated the eve of 2008 by poring over obscenely huge tomes of Fluid Mechanics, I'd say that this 2009 would be a helluva better than 2008, and judging from the number of people who declared how glad they are to see the end of last year, I guess that I am far from alone.

2008 was a year of changes and discovery, for better or worse. I am looking forward to this year, where there will be even more changes to come (graduation and UK baybeh!), as well as one more chance to hit the reset button to undo all of 2008's disasters. After all, is that not the very reason we sing the traditional Auld Lang Syne at the twelfth strike?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

To you, I hope that the confrontations and the distance that popped up yesteryear would be forgotten and forgiven in time, and that perhaps one day the awkward silence between us would cease.

To you, I hope that you would forgive me for being a jerk to you despite your sincerity. I hope the scholarship would open up new horizons for you and your brilliance would find its rightful place.

To you, I could hardly guess what is going through your mind right now but I do hope you know that I have never once looked down on you and that I do indeed consider you a great friend. I really hope it stays that way. Let us smoke up when I'm back for Chinese New Year, shall we? :)

To you and you, I am sorry if I have ever led you on.

To you, I strongly believe that something existed between us for awhile, but perhaps we were both foolish to rush things. For what it is worth you were never a rebound, but someone who happened to be in the right place at the wrong time.

And there was indeed a storm of trials and tribulations. Right now at the end of it all I looked back at the turbulent year that was and saw how much I had grown from the fires that tempered me. Perhaps this is a little too much to say for a 21 year old (I am NOT 22 till I am 22), but we grow through the lessons learnt in suffering, do we not? I resolved to make 2008 the best year ever, a resolution that, in a disturbingly mocking manner, spiralled downwards in the first half of 2008 but then materialised in the late months of the year just in time to save me from the noose in my drawer.

But you know what? It may have its low points that plummeted to the depths of hell itself, but I cherished the 2008 rollercoaster ride, every fucking second of it. I sat through the dreaded EC exams which even the brains of my course shied away from. I took up a job as a student assistant at the college gym and loved every moment of it. I met and made more friends in this year alone that the rest of my college years combined together. I won the Best Prototype award for the ProDEx competition. I finally mapped out the next ten years of my life. Most importantly, I discovered myself during that year; the good, the bad and the ugly.

In the infant hours of 2009 I shall make the same resolution again, just because there is absolutely no reason not to, come what may. I do hope that you too make a similar resolution, for auld lang syne, people. For auld lang syne.

another story for another time

2008-12-26T17:44:00.012Z

Like a grain amidst
the sands of time, I live just
for a moment's past

I never realised how much I have severed myself from until one fine day when I tried to seek my volatile emotions once again in another effort to express myself and came up empty handed. It was an unpleasant feeling, kind of like waking up one day to find that one of your limbs, now a stump flecked with dried blood, had been hacked of messily with a blunt axe and then remembering that ta-daaa!! It was you who did that hacking.

There are stories, there are endings and then there are unfinished endings. We live, we are being for a while, we spun the thread that is both the story and our life and then we die, at least for this year. Too much has been said and unsaid, done and undone to the point where I wreaked havoc on everything that I knew and loved and in the process I killed myself along with my demons in an attempt to give everything and everyone the finger. Dramatic, you say. How else would you describe it when you woke up one day and discovered that while you no longer bondage yourself with the troubles of your past, you also no longer recognise the person within you, who now looks back at you in the mirror with a donned iron mask?

I believe I owe a few people an apology, one each for the most diverse reasons anyone could think of. God forbid that I would consider such vagueness as a proper apology for what I've done, but please do forgive my tremendous ego which had, if possible, been augmented to ten times its original size in the past few months, and I really do think that the sheer weight of it alone is giving me chronic neck pains. For what it's worth, I am learning a new lesson every day with the occasional lent hand or two, and then perhaps one day when I'm done being a bastard and my ego has shrunk to its original size of a baby elephant the iron mask would slip off by itself.

"A black comedy of unfortunate events and atrocious timing. Have you read A Midsummer Night's Dream? The chain of events and furious emotions triggered by a prank gone wrong is almost reminiscent of the whole situation, and up till now I still keep and eye out for an elusive Puck and his vial of pansy juice."

"Memories lie well. It is always this ridiculous obsession with capturing things that don’t endure. We often search for constants; was it because of nostalgia? Insecurity? I reject the pointless reminiscence of the nights spent under that street lamp. Isn’t change good? Think of the possibilities! I have always been blissfully comfortable in the same circle of friends to the point when I didn’t recognise the social opportunities that present itself. The other day I smiled at an attractive girl at the line of the warehouse sale who smiled back, and for the next 10 minutes our eyes shyly flitted across each other. The last time that happened the whole solar system was aligned in a straight line. Come to think of it I haven’t chatted up a stranger in years ohmygod I’m a disgrace to the human race."

The entries above were written in my old blog circa June and May 2008 respectively. There is something about rereading the thoughts that you plastered on cyberspace more than half a year ago before so much have changed, which brings to mind the iron mask once again. Those words were snippets of emotionally charged posts, written in the delirium of unbridled feelings that embodied itself all over my blog, and well, to look back upon them once more through the disenchanted eyes of the mask was...surreal. Ah, to look unto with the lenses of practicality where once upon I was blinded by the fires of my own emotions. It makes everything easier to destroy, which I did, but then again the cornerstone of whatever that existed then still stood, wavering but defiant. I chose to spare it, which may be the smartest decision I have made this year.

I am tired of writing about this. This story has lived and played out its life, a dying star with one last twinkle before it fades from the black sky to make way for the birth of new stories. And thus I shall end this as a story that was in past tense, a story that will remain to be just another story from a long time back, to be just another story hidden behind a shadow of a smile, a story never again to be told but perhaps whispered one more time beneath the orange glow of the lone streetlamp.

at the end of it all

2008-12-25T18:10:00.006Z

I began the college year in the middle of 2005, twinkle eyed, foolishly hopeful and painfully oblivious to the ways of the world.

Three and a half years later, I am cynical, world weary and this close to being the biggest bastard ever. And I couldn't care less.

in one breath and then more

2008-12-13T16:41:00.015Z

I am at the top of the world right now, and if anyone would ask me about the best years of my college life I would say that it is the very first and last year of college because they are fraught with memories both bitter and sweet that I hold very close to my heart and yes I really and truly believe so because guess what the noose in my drawer has spider webs all over it now and I am glad to say that I now look forward to starting every day with my trademark oats n' milk breakfast shakes but today in the midst of scarfing down my mutton Kajang satays I saw the only thing that has been missing in my life and I realised how none of the awesomeness really mattered without that missing piece of puzzle and that cold as I have become I am still very much a romantic at heart.

Today I stood before an audience comprised of my lecturers, school officials and fellow engineering students to engage the participants of an ongoing forum at ProDEx in a debate which saw all of them being murdered by me. Today I received a phone call from my parents about my skyrocketing monthly phone bill which told tales of my increasingly expensive sms habit. Today someone told me how some people thought that I am no longer the same person I was and I knew that there were slivers of truth in it. Today I realised how cocky and confident I have become but I refuse to apologise for it just so that you could accomodate your insecurity. Today I want to give you the finger and tell you to go fuck yourself because we both know that I am better than you.

hello! goodbye!

2008-12-05T04:35:00.005Z

I have written 3 posts, 3 bloody monologues meant for you where I stripped myself of the walls I built and spoke to you unmasked for the first time in months.

They are still in my Drafts folder. I have a nagging feeling that's about as far as they will get.

On another note, I'm going back to Penaaaaaang!! Will be meeting the boys tonight for some boozing (I hope) so let's consider this my one last party before hurtling into the madness of pre-ProDex preparations and thesis writing.

Yeah, that bloody thing finally flew. It's about fucking time it did.

i'm just trying to justify my hypocrisy

2008-11-28T12:00:00.002Z

Apparently the phrase 'grow some balls' has been thrown around the blogosphere quite often recently. Dammit I coined that phrase how come it can spread since I have like 5 readers only. I want royalties!! Rawr.

Oh, and I just found out that I have a weakness for cheeky, athletic girls. Notice that I mentioned have a weakness, not in love or anything so don't start whatever miserable celebration you have in mind, all of you who for some twisted reason want to see me attached. Besides, apparently I look and speak exactly like her brother. -_-" Potong stim right haih how to chase now without feeling like an incestuous bastard.

I think I should stop being so friendly. Seriously. People kept misinterpreting my actions as me wanting to be more than friends and well...let's just say it isn't easy to drop the bomb. Okay fine I was harmlessly flirtatious to a certain extent (or so I thought) but I was just indulging in one of the more subtle benefits of being single!

Or maybe deep down inside I was just grabbing at anyone nearby just to fill the hole that was left by the flying shit that flew months ago and then deny them when the hole no longer needs to be occupied. I know this sounds cruel, but I did a survey - yes, a survey, putting people (avoiding pretentious self righteous bastards at ALL COSTS) in my shoes and asking them to pick an option. Their replies weren't surprising at all.

You decide whether I'm a bastard or not. I'm done trying to psychoanalyse myself to oblivion because every time I do the depression comes back and I subsequently lock myself up with an unhealthy supply of Oreos and Bonnie McKee songs, which is really really bad for my diet and mental conditioning I'm not losing flab at all wtf.

a silver lining in every cloud and all that crap

2008-11-23T16:22:00.004Z

Remember the flying shit that got me this close to running away from it all? It was barely more than half a year ago but memories of the suffocating depression is now nothing more than a wisp.

And why you ask. Because the past two weeks have been ..awesome.

XD

maybe next time i should assume a fake identity

2008-11-22T03:26:00.007Z

"Shze Li!"

The girl whose name I called out spun around stared at me blankly, her face registrating no recognition at all.

I chuckled. "You don't remember me, do you?"

"Um...sorry, no."

"I'm Thomas."

The blank look remained.

"Kin Weng's friend from PFS?"

Have you ever heard of the phrase, 'The realisation dawned upon me?' I find that phrase a very befitting one, because watching her face contort from a blank slate of confusion to a open mouthed 'O' of shock to the one of sudden realisation and recognition is like watching an onrushing dawn at the horizon in five seconds flat.

I never grow tired of these reactions.

"OHMYGOD. THOMAS TING??"

"The one and only."

"BUT YOU LOOK SOOOOO DIFFERENT!!"

I won't be pretentious here. I loved having these reactions from people because they are the most blatant testimony of how much I have transformed over the years from a scrawny bespectacled kid in my freshman year of college to someone who is well, a lot easier on the eyes. An evolution of sorts, if you will.

Having been on the receiving end of many compliments lately, especially from people whom I've met for a mere few days is seriously an ego masturbation, but none of them could even come close to the full-blown reactions that my old acquaintances get when they realised that the person standing in front of them was that skinny nerd they knew back in school.

Standing next to Shze Li was, by the biggest of coincidences, a girl whom I went to national service with (turns out later that both of them are best friends). Having been politely observing the banter between Shze Li and I, I assumed that she couldn't recognise me either.

"Elaine! It's been a while."

Same blank look, except that this time she tried to humour me by pretending that she does recognise me while trying her hardest to remember me. She wasn't really good at hiding her bewilderment, though.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine...er, how are you?"

"Heh. You don't remember who I am, do you?"

"Erm...no."

"I'm Thomas."

Blank look.

"From national service?"

Blank look.

"Kem D'Jelapang? I was in the Alpha Team."

And ah one, and ah two, and ah...

"THOMAS?? FROM NATIONAL SERVICE?? OHMYGAAAAWD I CAN'T RECOGNISE YOU AT ALL!!! IT'S BEENTHREEYEARSYOULOOKSOGOODWHATAREYOUDOINGHERE???"

Rinse and repeat. This is really really fun.

matchmaking is not for the big-balled

2008-11-10T01:58:00.001Z

Speeding along KL highways (in a Viva highly prone to turtle-turns, no less =/) with two bimbos giggling away with McDonald's Madagascar giraffe ears perched on their heads while trying to attract attention from other bewildered drivers is, well, a different kind of driving experience. If I have to be metaphorical I would relate it to riding a tiny scooter with two monkeys doing backward flips on my helmet, and we all know who those monkeys are.

I find it highly unsettling that people are always trying to matchmake me. Like wtf. I actually mulled this issue over and came up with a list of possible reasons that would logically explain their persistance in seeing me attached. So please, if you are one of those or is thinking of introducing me to yet another Coach-toting lass (which kind of backfires, because such display of wealth intimidates me), please! tell me why do you have the need to believe that I have a need for a partner.

Reasons to matchmake me :

1. You are afraid that I would turn gay
And I assume that this fear stems from my increasingly frequent homopobic jokes, the universal warning bells for someone who refuses to come out of the closet. Or that my borderline obsession with the beauty of the male body is starting to disturb you. Or that I made blatant homosexual come-ons to my male friends under the guise of a joke. Or..

I still watch straight porn, so there.

2. You thought that, like many other guys with the obvious lack of a pair of balls, I would be miserable without a girlfriend
Actually I can't blame you for that, with my flair for soap drama emo everytime something goes wrong in la la land. But hey, things always work out in the end because I can always rely on my male ego trying to cheer me up by distracting me with a random fact of life, such as how I have big balls.

3. I look pathetic and desperate for girls
You're fat, flabby and pockmarked by cellulite. Go away.

4. You want to help me achieve financial freedom by getting me a sugar mama
In other words, you want me to be someone's bitch. I am not totally against that, seeing how I have come to put a price on my dignity and all (a Brabus BMW M3), but satsified as I am of my physical characteristics, I doubt that any tai tai out there would readily hand me a RM500,000 car without considering the alternatives of, uh, Zac Effron lookalikes?

Let me digress. A few weeks prior to a cousin's wedding, an aunt of mine spoke passionately about her dear, pretty, rich niece who drives a Smart Forfour and how she is single and lives in a freaking bungalow and she is in heat. Okay, I'm kidding about the last part, but I'm sure that if I let her rant long enough she would eventully come to that. This girl hardly crossed my mind after that (because I'm generally frugal and material possessions mean nothing to me. Unless it's a Brabus M3) until the wedding itself when she actually dragged this poor girl to the table I was sitting at and went

"Here, here. She is the one I've been telling you about. Now you young people make your acquaintances, eh?"

WTF. Out of the blue, and in the midst of the roast duck when I was sure I had sweet and sour sauce all over my mouth. Surely they must have had more matchmaking tact in her days? Or is that the reason why my parents, who are from entirely different worlds, got hitched?

But okay lah she is a looker. And she drives a Forfour!!

There's actually more to this but I have to attend a talk on Sheffield Hallam. I shall bitch more next time. Seeya!

2008-11-04T17:30:00.003Z

I won't even bother to whine and bitch.

And I promise I won't chain smoke or drink. Or binge on chocolate.

But right now I am closer to tears than I have ever been before in the past few months and it's all because of that styrofoam piece of crap lying at my feet that I am trying so hard not to smash into pieces.

There will be no official test flight video yet. That thing just loves finding new ways to fuck with me.

stains on my fingers

2008-10-29T15:51:00.003Z

A month ago, I would have went through 10 Dunhills in less than an hour and wait for the nicotine overdose to deny me of my five senses and lull me into a deep, dreamless sleep. I swore off the sticks the day I came close to toppling over in the squat rack with a loaded barbell weighing more than 80kg balanced on my shoulders, a weight that I could easily do jumping jacks with before my smoking habit went up another notch but oh God oh God I could use a cig or twenty right now.

satriaboy

2008-10-25T14:23:00.003+01:00

Do you know, Jon? You are the only person to whom I can share my darkest thoughts, fears and flaws and still know that you will readily accept me for all of the bastardom within me. It's a pity both you and I are straight or I would have chased after your skinny ass a long, long time ago.

You'd thought that being thousands of miles apart would eventually drift us away from each other, but time has proven otherwise. Thanks for always making me feel better. I'm still waiting for you to come back so that we could kick back in the sands at Sunset Bistro with a cold Skol in hand.

p.s The offer to proudly announce our status as 'in a relationship' still stands. I really really wanna see the reaction our friends would get so pretty pretty please?

the eveready wabbit

2008-10-23T08:58:00.002+01:00

Yawn. I really should write something. Plenty of things have been happening lately (good ones for a change XD) and my days are just so packed and occupied that I am starting to feel like the Eveready Rabbit that just keeps on going and going and going and going. Not that I mind, though. I may be handling a lot of work but it's all good pressure.

Gym classes are starting next week!! Last sem the class I happened to coach had a bisexual, a lolita nympho (no, I'm not kidding. The weirdest people in TARC come from SSSH. Please don't burn my room) and a whole bunch of giggling bimbos. Teaching that class was damn entertaining. I wonder what motley bunch of freshies I will get this time.

The prototype may be ready for test flight in a week's time!!! I shall put up pics and videos if I ever find the time to do so. Do help me come up with a catchy name for it. Names like Falcon and Supersonic are just so cliched. Just so you know, the prototype looks like a weird curvy UFO with propellers on the top, so you can come up with something along the lines of Fucking Weird Upside-Down Flying Basin.

Oh, and happy birthday :) I'm trying my hardest to beat your gift, but my present-giving skills suck so I'm starting to panic here.

p.s Yeah I know this post is really frivolous. My writing skills are going down the drain. HELP.

writer's block

2008-10-11T17:12:00.004+01:00

Sigh. Now I know that all I have been posting are mere snippets as opposed to the 1000 word essays that I used to put up, but believe me I have been trying hard to write but the appalling quality of the BS I have only been able to churn out disgusts me. Shoddy sentence structures, failing grammar, embarassing command of vocabulary, you name it.

I suspect that all these years of relying on my emoness to trigger my creative juices render me incapable of penning a proper post when I'm not emo. Sheeeeet. And don't even expect me to revert back to my emo undertones because please, nigga. I grew some balls.

Time to drop the Stephen King diet and read something that doesn't involve acute, bloody descriptions of people being ripped apart, enjoyable as it may be.

Oh, and I recently recorded a 1RM of 90kgs for my bench press. Give me another half year and I will finally hit the 5RM 100kgs bench press milestone, a record that any self-respecting lifter would aim to achieve. I'm currently seriously considering blowing 300 bucks on a 10lb tub of protein shake to speed up the process. More on this once I start learning how to write while emotionally sober.

the hammie talk that cracks me up

2008-10-10T16:07:00.003+01:00

"Good eeeeeeeeeevening! Hungryyyyyy? Are you hungryyyy? [pause] Sunflower seeeeed? Makiiii! Sunflower seeeeeeeeed? Sunflower seeeeed you know?? Mochiiiii? Your favorite sunflower seed~! Cannot pee! AY. CANNOT PEE! MO.CHI! CANNOT! PEE! HERE! Put you in the toilet. Smell your pee? Come, smell your pee? See, pee goes in the pee box! DON'T RUN AWAY! Naughty girl! Don't give you sunflower seed. Makiii~ You want sunflower seed? Good girl. Look at me? Hey, look at me. Look at meeeee~... Why you ignore me. Food? You two want food...? No? Going once? Going twice? Fine. No more food for you. Sleepy so fast!? Sleepy pigs. Okay okay I'll let you sleep. Goodnight~"

I seriously think that keeping pet hamsters is a bad idea, because based upon the observation above, I have come to hypothesise that one's IQ decreases by at least 50 points while engaging in hammie talk.

when things go a little too well

2008-09-25T16:45:00.003+01:00

I just broke a toilet bowl brush while cleaning the toilet. A few weeks ago a pen snapped in two in my own hands, and I wasn't even gripping it that hard! (I think)

I know that I focus a lot on strength training, with the bulk of my training sessions designed using Bill Starr's 5x5 principles and powerlifting techniques, but this is just ridiculous. What if I broke Little Thomas during the self-luvin' acts I indulge in? Eh? Eh? This is damn scary wei.

that tinny voice beyond the electronic divide

2008-09-22T16:08:00.003+01:00

"So why did you call me? I know there's something you wanna talk to me."

"...Can I be frank to you?"

"Heh. I knew it."

"Can I tell you everything that is going on in my head and trust you to keep it between us?"

"Of course."

"Without fear of judgment or prejudice?"

"You know I never judge you."

And thus I let go of one of the demons within me. It's good to be home.

the weeks that flit by

2008-09-16T18:49:00.005+01:00

Have you heard of Hale, the Filipino band? Recently their songs wormed their way into my iTunes and for some reason every song of theirs remind me of you. Perhaps it is the slightly gay emo trademark tone of theirs that I once shared with them, perhaps it is my subconcious missing you so much that it forces the concious mind to relate every single bloody emo song to you, perhaps I just got sick of fantasising about Katy Perry clad in a pink bustier kissing away at girls sprawled on goose down pillows and decided to avert my acoustic mood somewhere else. I don't know.

Complicated situations are like rabbits; they spawn offsprings of theirs like nobody's business. There is a reason I've been MIA these few weeks, and while there is a lot I want to say to you I just couldn't bring myself to kill the surprisingly lighthearted atmosphere. Maybe one day. Maybe never.

But running away from the cops sure is fun.

i blame it on the full moon

2008-09-13T18:54:00.004+01:00

Yesterday when the clock struck 12 I was seated at my desk poring over a bunch of equations that is supposed to make a satellite run. Yes, a satellite. I'd love to give my Control Systems lecturer the finger and tell him that I DID NOT SIGN UP for fancy shmancy stuff like satellite control because I am too dumb to know that, but all my life I have been brought up to swallow the shit our educators throw at us so yes there I was trying to work out a bunch of Greek symbols that will determine if that bloody satellite continues its orbit or crashes.

I wonder if I could I write the equation so the satellite starts hurtling in the direction of TARC instead. With me safely tucked away in Penang, of course.

Anyway it was the Mooncake Festival and my neighbours were being the usual buffoons. My roommate just returned from a mooncake eating contest o_0 where he miraculously survived scarfing down two mooncakes without drinking any water at all, and managed to win the second place. I was amazed that he did not clog his esophagus and suffocate to death because contestants will be disqualified for drinking water. I have a newfound respect for his abilities.

Besides his mooncake eating abilities, however, the roomie has a special talent for amassing large amounts of food when the occasion calls for it, and yesterday there was a nice spread of fishballs, chinese sausages and chilli chicken in our room and naturally, half the residents on my floor were stuffing their faces. I was annoyed at first because please, people! I am dictating the course of a theoretical multibillion dollar satellite, and who is to blame if a missing Greek symbol were to be the cause behind a manmade, mechanical, multibillion asteroid merrily making its way towards us? Theoretically, of course. They would never let me near any device that is worth even a fraction of the cost because my calculations are often plagued with careless mistakes and I have a fear of spanners, but still.

Somehow they managed to not notice my death stares and murderous aura, because they would often thrust a greasy chicken wing at me and I would politely decline, with a hint of daggers in my tone of course. Then I would revert my attention back to my equations and try to work out the differences between a zeta and sigma before another thrusts a bunch of meatballs on a stick in my face. Rinse and repeat. When I return to my equations for the fourth time, world weariness caught up with me and suddenly the symbols that made so much sense five minutes ago seemed like, well, Greek to me.

I looked up. "Are there still chicken wings left?"

And the next thing I know I was outside my block, shirtless and a little drunk (roomie started pulling out bottles of beer from nowhere. I love him. Sniff), catcalling passing girls with the motley bunch of J Block residents and howling with chauvinistic laughter with every angry reply hurled back at us. Ah well, it's good to be a bum sometimes.

p/s. I don't know why, but "Xiao jie! Do you want to eat my mooncake?" has a certain sexual innuendo to it.

you bloody cowardly bastards

2008-09-12T19:22:00.004+01:00

So the government has finally shown its true, cowardly colours and brought out the big guns, detaining RPK, Teresa Kok and the Sin Chew journalist in one fell sweep using that goddamn draconian law ISA. Apparently there will be more to come. Somehow I don't find it hard to imagine a laser crosshair trained upon Anwar Ibrahim's forehead.

You fucking bastards. Your wanton use of the draconian law, as well as disregard for basic human rights to trial and judgment is a double-bladed sword. By unjustly detaining these people whose only crimes in your biased eyes were to expose the corruption and filthy politics that run rampant in your party, with Umno in particular you have somehow managed to incense the already flaming anger of the people.

Fuck you and your ISA laws. Fuck Ahmad Ismail and his ugly racism. Why the fuck should the Sin Chew reporter be detained for doing her job when that fat ugly sonofabitch is the one who ignited this storm of racism?

Fuck you Badawi and your lack of balls. Fuck you Mahathir. I have lost all of my respect for you after realising that you were the man behind ISA and Ops Lalang. You're fucking 80+, what the fuck are you doing, throwing yourself back into the fray instead of curling up somewhere and die?

Fuck you Umno cronies. Fuck you Barisan component parties for being the muzzled, sedated pet dogs you are.

916 may not happen on 916 itself thanks to your MPs playing hide and seek in Taiwan, but it will happen. The people will support Anwar Ibrahim's takeover and on that day you bastards seated up there in your political throne will bite the dust.

FUUUUUUUUCK

2008-09-12T09:21:00.002+01:00

12 September 2008

To : All Students Concerned
Electronic Engineering Division
Materials Engineering Division
Mechanical Engineering Division

RE : Engineering Council May 2008 Examination Results

Please be informed that the results for Engineering Council Examination May 2008 are now available for collection. Please collect your result from the undersigned at SOT office.

Thank You.

Okay. Okay. Now to start thinking up on excuses to give if I were to flunk the papers. Dammit why do they have to announce the arrival of the results in the midst of exams what a morale killer.

break out the popcorn and chips

2008-09-08T10:40:00.004+01:00

Cause we got one heck of a drama going on in the country.

Dr Mahathir is rejoining Umno to back Tengku Razaleigh to be the next president of Umno.

His son Mukhriz Mahathir is challenging the Son in Law for the position of Umno Youth chief.

Gerakan is seriously considering pulling out of the BN coalition.

Syed Hamid has finally relented a little to the criticisms against the controversial DNA Bill. Small reassurance, but still.

Ahmad Ismail just about pissed off millions and millions of Chinese in the country. Did he not know that anthropological theories place the origins of Malays from Yunnan, China? Oh, the irony.

Barisan, scared shitless of Anwar's impending takeover, sent its MPs on a trip overseas to Taiwan thinly disguised as an agricultural field trip so the MPs can supposedly pass on their knowledge to our farmers. When the fuck was the last time you see an MP on the paddy fields?

A vacant seat just opened up at Pensiangan, Sabah. Dare we expect another Permatang Pauh?

916 is coming. :)

I really should be studying for my exams.

one thing we final year students have in common

2008-09-06T17:04:00.002+01:00

[00:20] j o n s o n: haha
[00:20] j o n s o n: nvm le
[00:20] j o n s o n: i died d
[00:20] j o n s o n: my paper on fri so freaking hard
[00:20] j o n s o n: no time to finish also
[00:20] j o n s o n: cb
[00:21] j o n s o n: 5 long question in 1.5hours
[00:21] j o n s o n: fuck d lecturer man
[00:21] *†homas*: hahaha
[00:21] *†homas*: final year lecturers like that wan la
[00:21] *†homas*: fuck them man
[00:21] j o n s o n: yea man
[00:21] j o n s o n: they trying to fail us
[00:21] j o n s o n: so we have to pay more
[00:21] j o n s o n: cb
[00:21] j o n s o n: fuck them
[00:22] *†homas*: lol
[00:22] *†homas*: can pass onot
[00:23] j o n s o n: i donno man
[00:23] j o n s o n: i really donno
[00:23] j o n s o n: i praying pass
[00:23] j o n s o n: even scholarship students complain
[00:23] j o n s o n: no time
[00:23] *†homas*: fuh. really ah
[00:23] *†homas*: yeala. my exam also the good students give up
[00:23] *†homas*: wtf right
[00:24] j o n s o n: yea man
[00:24] j o n s o n: i got a fren
[00:24] j o n s o n: under uq scholarship
[00:24] j o n s o n: she never finish her paper
[00:24] j o n s o n: lol
[00:24] j o n s o n: no time
[00:24] j o n s o n: d lecturers wana kill us
[00:25] *†homas*: yea. wtf is wrong with them
[00:25] *†homas*: motherfuckers

[00:18] *†homas*: how u?
[00:19] ...*lynn*...: stress
[00:19] ...*lynn*...: worn out
[00:19] *†homas*: =/ as usual huh
[00:19] *†homas*: assignments?
[00:19] ...*lynn*...: yea
[00:20] ...*lynn*...: 2 presentaions, 1 essay,1 report and 1 midsem in the past 2 weeks
[00:20] ...*lynn*...: and the midsem on friday was at 8am
[00:20] ...*lynn*...: =(
[00:20] *†homas*: wow
[00:21] *†homas*: melb uni really doesnt mess around
[00:21] ...*lynn*...: =(
[00:22] *†homas*: well, dont feel so bad
[00:22] *†homas*: final year is like that i guess
[00:23] *†homas*: i just messed up a paper too hahaha
[00:23] ...*lynn*...: im feeling bad
[00:24] ...*lynn*...: diddnt do very well infirst semalthough i worked hard
[00:24] ...*lynn*...: so im like so disappointed
[00:24] *†homas*: hey, i know how it feels
[00:25] *†homas*: but i guess as long as we gave it our best shot yea?
[00:25] ...*lynn*...: but it wont get us anywhere.......
[00:25] ...*lynn*...: i dontthink any honours wil aceept me

Well, at least I'm not alone in facing this hell.

things to say in bed for dummies

2008-09-03T15:55:00.009+01:00

If you've ever wanted a bit of help figuring out what's dirty sexy talk and what's just plain weird, then this "Things To Say During Sex" flow chart by comedian Doogie Horner may help. Included in the chart are varying levels of categories for the dirty talk including "good", "bad" or "meh", as well as several...creative ones like "religious" ('Hello vicar' wtf HAHAHHAA), animal noises, foreign words (the infamous French pickup line from Moulin Rouge is sorely missing) and of course, the notorious rhetorical questions like HU'S YOUR DADDAY??

Oh, and apparently emulating carnivores in bed is good for your sex life. Sheeps and pigs? Not so much.

For the record, however, I have to say that dirty talk is largely subjective and most definitely contextual. So while I agree with Doogie that I can't really imagine a situation in which "Your mom's a whore" or "Wanna suck this shit?" would go down well, I'm not so sure that being greeted as a vicar in bed would be so bad for Little Thomas and his friend.

yes indeedy

2008-08-31T19:56:00.001+01:00

My thoughts exactly.

squiggly symbols give me migraines

2008-08-29T11:13:00.003+01:00

As I pen this post I am nursing a head that feels 351864521215 heavier than its original weight of um, 1 kg? Come to think of it I never actually wondered how heavy my head is until now. Anyway, have you ever seen those photos of impossibly convoluted equations that are circulated just for morbid amusement, the way AXN showcases footage of people breaking their necks on TV? I happen to be that very skater diving headfirst onto the concrete floor, except that it was really my brain slamming against the metaphoric concrete.

I really should've opted to study something simpler and live a mediocre life driving Proton Sagas, because when your brain feels like a wrung dishcloth the prospects of a leather-lined luxurious BMW doesn't have the same inspirational kick it did. This engineering gig had better cash in, and fast.

Oh, and I stumbled upon this quote recently. I think I'm gonna make it my life motto.

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."

Damn right, Mark Twain. Fuck them exams.

the pounding headache

2008-08-27T14:14:00.006+01:00

I want to write, to express the turmoil within, to exorcise the demons of mine.

But even the simplest sentence structure evades me. I think I am too saturated with equations. You would think that after 8 semesters I would have this exam stress in check, but noooooo.

That little black book still lay solemnly on my desk untouched. I cannot bear the irony of it all should I ever pen my thoughts in it.

p.s Even though I've lost thousands of theoretical dollars on Facebook, blackjack is surprisingly fun XD

tagged by cynthia

2008-08-19T04:11:00.002+01:00

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 11.13a.m

Name: Thomas

Sisters: 2

Brothers: 1

Shoe Size: 10 or 11. You know what they say about people with big feet ;)

Height: 180cm

Where do you live: Currently at my dingy college hostel room

Favourite drinks: Water, water, water, milk, chinese tea and um, water.

Favourite breakfast: A yummay blend of skim milk, oats and protein shake

Have you ever been on a plane?: Long long time ago

Swam in the ocean: Yeah, at Redang. Never swim in the oceans in Penang unless you want someone's used condom on your face

Fallen asleep at school: Lost count of the number of times

Broken someone's heart: Well, not exactly. I think

Fell off your chair: Haha. Nope I treasure my neck too much

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Sat all day

What is your room like: A freaking war zone right now. Mice could burrow and nest in the piles of paper and I still wouldn't know about it

What's right beside you: Some dude. I'm at the library

What is the last thing you ate: Um...milk and oats.

Ever had chicken pox: During lower primary I think
Sore throat: Yep
Stitches: Hahah nope. I was a docile kid
Broken nose: Nope

Do you believe in love at first sight: Does lust count?

Like picnics: If i am with the right people. (Cynthia I curi your answer)

Who was, were the last person you:
Danced with: LOL a gym student of mine. Long story
Last made you smile: A coursemate of mine. We were joking about big forearms and the uh...exercises at home we could do to develop them. No need for any equipment, just a certain video or two
You last yelled at: Someone.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Nope
Kissed anyone: Nope
Get sick: Nope. I'm a healthy bugger
Talk to an ex: Nope.
Miss someone: Hahaha. Yeah.

Best feeling in the world: A gym rat like me? Moving mountains of iron weighing 146.7% of your bodyweight

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Noooooooo

What's under your bed: God knows what foul creatures lurk there

Who do you really hate: People who accuse 60 year old men of fucking them in the ass. Basically those who throw false accusations la.

What time is it now?: 11.34

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. Fighting with girls
2. Playing Starcraft and shamelessly cheating at them. Power overwhelming!!
3. Doing my homework like the nice responsible boy I used to be
4. Waiting impatiently for the Saturday morning cartoons. I was a big fan
5. Um..tucking in my shirt?

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Attend a talk. I won't bore you with the details
2. Finish my project progress report
3. Get some studying done
4. Bum around
5. Get some sleep

5 snacks I enjoy: (hahaha you guys are so gonna roll your eyes at this)
1. Protein shake
2. Peanut butter
3. Skim milk
4. Almonds
5. Okay okay here's an actual junk food. Oreos dunked in milk. Mmmmm

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Buy a huge beachhouse in Florida and the Caribbeans.
2. Buy out the entire StarHill
3. Buy a Lamborghini and a Ducati
4. Travel around the world
5. And of course, give some back to parents, siblings and charity. See, I'm holy too

5 of my bad habits:
1. Swearing. I put sailors to shame
2. Being too cocky at times. Does that count?
3. Procrastinate. I think everyone's guilty of that
4. Hitting the snooze button too often
5. Go nuts when I get pissed off

5 places I have lived/stayed a night in:
1. My room in Penang
2. My hostel room in KL
3. Hotels, motels, yadda yadda
4. Friends' places
5. What else ah. I generalise until got nowhere else left

5 things I will do after complete what I'm busy with:
1. Sleep
2. Hit the gym. But I do that even when I'm busy
3. Take over a friend's computer for a night of Rainbow Six!!
4. Take over a friend's computer for a night of Assassin's Creed!!
5. Watch a movie. Wonder if Zohan is any good.

I tag : Whoever who wants to do this.

because we all need that sliver of light

2008-08-11T16:32:00.004+01:00

Now at the risk of sounding REALLY hypocritical here, what's up with the gloomy emo atmosphere that seems to plague the blogosphere (it rhymes!) recently? Sure, I wrote the book on being emo to a point where people bloody use me as a yardstick to measure one's levels of emoness, but still. Besides, being emo is my trademark WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE GIVING ME A RUN FOR MY MONEY. Last night I asked a friend about the obscene number of emo posts in her blog that actually came close to rivalling mine and her reply was "Being emo is my hobby."

Well, that's one way to look at it.

So I guess it's up to me to pepper the world with sunshiny good news! Yes, me! Yes, I know I'm the last person you would expect to crap rainbows and pots of gold but since you people took over my emo monopoly I have no choice but to diversify.

1. I'm going to Scotland to wear skirts and blow bagpipes!

I constantly amaze myself with my ability to pop a bad gay jokes out of the blue. But yeah, I am almost certaingly giving the Sheffield top up degree the boot and going for the bigger prize instead; a Masters course in Oil & Gas Engineering at Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen, Scotland. RGU recently established a partnership with TARC, recognising the engineering Advanced Diploma courses as an ample academic prerequisite to enter their Masters courses.

The best part is that the Times 2009 University Guide affirmed claims by RGU that they have the highest graduate employability rate in the whole UK, rivalling even Oxford! Scotland has this law that allows graduates to work for up to 2 years without having to apply for a work permit, and Times stated that RGU has close ties to the oil and gas sector in Aberdeen (which is an oil-producing state like Kelantan) . And everybody knows that megabuck salaries lie waiting in the oil and gas industry, with it being a specialised course coupled with the worldwide demand and all, so BMWs here I come!

2. I am moving to Genting Klang

Not exactly good news, but done for the greater good. It will just for the next few weeks :)

3. My books love me once again.

And I loved them back. Somehow I managed to study till 5 in the morning whipping my brain into oblivion and still make it in time for the 8am lecture. Yep, the mad nerd within me is slowly surfacing once again, which is good because muahahah Control Systems you don't scare me anymore come here I pawn you and your stupid steady state errors left and right why am I talking to my books hee hee ha ha.

Sure, they're not much when compared to, say, winning a million bucks but hey I'm counting my stars in these depressing times. Besides, being merry and optimistic is one helluva refreshing change from the gloomy mood that plagues my old blog and should the occasion ever arise when I need to detach myself there is always a pack of cigs and a tenth of a whiskey bottle waiting patiently ;)

I admit that my stunning display of assholism surprised even me. I tried to vindicate myself by taking a long hard look at things but I only came up with the strangling weeds of resentment that threw my self-justification out of the window. Perhaps it is best to just let sleeping dogs lie.

the essence of a world captured in a symphony

2008-08-07T05:13:00.002+01:00

The mythical forest of Lothlorien was brought to life amidst the ghostly incomprehensible croons accompanied by the symphony of solemn horns and trumpets. I allowed myself to walk through the slivers of sunlight peeking from the canopy of leaves above, dwarfed by the sheer majesty of the robust trunks that populated Lothlorien, residents of the ancient whose silence masked the witnessing of thousand years of conflict. I walked through the bubbling brooks, flowing harmoniously to the serenading soprano in the background, through the rock formations that seemed to stare upon me with grave expressions, through the forest clearings where curious eyes peeked from within the darkness at this human intruder. I walked and I saw the radiant Lady of the Forest, Galadriel, who held out her hand for the Ring. And for the first time I realised that I was bearing the Ring all along, a burden made greater with my reluctance to bear it through the rocky path that lay ahead.

“Come,” she said. “Give me the Ring and I will set you free of it.”

The sopranos halted abruptly at her utterance, and there was the pounding of war drums accompanied by high-pitched songs of Rohan. The trees around me fell like dominoes and burned, and out of the thin air both Riders and orcs sprang and battled each other fiercely. Cries of the dying echoed in the air, and the invisible voices of the sopranos returned, this time chorusing to a fearful and urgent tune. In the horizon of the chaos and destruction three ominous figures stood tall, and they were Saurons, one for each demon within me that I still fight.

There I stood in the burning battlefield, with death and decay all around me while facing my three demons, armed with nothing more than the Ring my burden. The sopranos, as though sympathetic with my personal war, sung a complex matrix of tunes, one concocted with ingredients from the whirlwind of conflicts that still rages within.

The war is still being fought, the demons undefeated, and I am still holding on to the Ring, desperate as I am to be rid of it but let’s just hope in miracles that always seems to be in abundance in fiction, fantasy and the symphonies of Howard Shore.

the elusive pusrawi medical report

2008-08-03T08:24:00.005+01:00

I stumbled across images of the controversial Pusrawi medical report from the whole Anwar vs. Saiful sodomy thing. I find this whole affair to be one heck of an entertaining circus, though it is kind of sad that it shows that the leaders of our nation are only smart enough to come up with a conspiracy plot riddled with enough holes in it to sink an aircraft carrier.

I mean, smart a bit lah. How the heck could a 60-year old with a bad back play backside with a 23 year old without the latter's consent? And would the people truly believe that Anwar is stupid enough to risk his political momentum on plugging some cornhole? How stupid could Badawi be, telling the nation that Anwar's 10-year old DNA is not good enough to analyse when scientists are able to identify the DNA of a 40,000 year old Neanderthal? What an embarassment to the nation.

But can anyone read the bloody scribbles? I can't make head or tail of it.

what a rainy ending given to a perfect day

2008-08-03T05:02:00.005+01:00

I slowly shuffle home on that warm evening, nursing a pounding headache courtesy of kinematic mechanical systems and forced vibrations. I like the fact that the shit I study sounds uber cool and to a certain extent do enjoy figuring out the problems, but the fact that it gave me headaches reminiscent of African tribal beats every time I try to delve into its obscene laws and theorems is a real deterrant.

It is the end of Week 10 and I am nowhere near the end of my revisions. Assignment dates are still glaring at me in my mental calendar along with my sister's photocopied graduation result slip tacked on my notice board. 3.75. What kind of sick mind graduates with a 3.75 in engineering? Sigh.

I constantly struggle with my conflicting aspirations; studies, bodybuilding and the finer aspects of life. I have yet to find the balance between them, it is like walking a tightrope with a balance bar that was unequally weighted on both ends. I have a lot on my mind, written and confined to the hidden folder within the bowels of my computer. To be frank, I have been thrown of from that tightrope numerous times and each time I grasp at the pathetic shreds of a safety net that I often neglect to set up for myself before I walk that metaphoric tightrope.

I have a lot to write, and a lot more to say but I think I'll keep my reins on them for now.

On that particular warm evening with the pounding African tribal drum headache I stopped by the convenience store in the hostel and purchased a roll of Oreo biscuits because the sugar rush it provides has always been a stress reliever for me. Throw in some milk to dunk them in and a good Simpsons episode and I'm a small boy once again, oblivious to the turbulence that awaits beyond the doors of my room.

because you're not nuts until you ramble like this

2008-07-29T12:09:00.005+01:00

Now, colleges should really go easy on the assignments because I have UNDENIABLE proof that they are bad for health. The other day I exploded in a swearing fit at 3.30 am because I just received a very very very overdue assignment from this total waste of human cells I somehow fell into an assignment group with, and guess what? That assignment is the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen since my Deepavali curry-induced disaster last year, and to top it off he didn't even bother to spell his 'you's, replacing them with the letter 'u' instead.

If I wasn't so tired from staying up the whole night cleaning up the shit from 3 totally incompetant assholes who by the grace of God passed their engineering diploma, I'd give that guy a beating of a lifetime the very next day, I swear. See what I mean about assignments being bad for health?

That being said, I have a presentation, two assignments, and one simulation report due this week. A butt-shaped crevice is slowly forming on the seat of my chair, and I have a reason to believe my body heat is slowly incubating some sort of lifeform in there. I'm having my fingers crossed that they develop enough intelligence to do my assignments before the semester ends in exchange for board on my um...butt-formed crevice.

Okay. I am going nuts.

I'm finally watching The Dark Knight at iMAX this Wednesday! Hah. Soon I can join you legions of snobby bloggers who kept gushing about how good and handsome and cool and awesome and scary and quotable and remarkable Batman and Joker is. Personally I don't see how sexy Batman could be sans rubber nipples on his suit, but oh well we'll find out this Wednesday :)

One more thing. You know how Starbucks is one helluva conglomerate right? How they paid South American peasants peanuts to break their backs reaping their fancy coffee beans, how they put many innocent small time coffee shops out of business, how they ruined lives by keeping people addicted to their overpriced coffee, I mean, the sins of that damn company!! (note that the facts stated may or may not be baseless, though they most likely are)

Hence, in the spirit of vigilante justice, I swiped a venti coffee mug of theirs. I now serenely sip my daily dose of green tea from it every morning, which I have to admit looks and feels a lot classier than drinking it from my steel mug. Steal a mug today, people! They are an evil conglomerate after all, your karmic damage won't be as bad.

Gee, what a random post. Back to work.

the geek speaks

2008-07-26T03:33:00.005+01:00

Well, well. It’s been awhile since my last public post.

Things have changed permanently, and after failed attempts of denial despite it being greased with liver-wrecking amounts of beer and liquor accompanied with a mentally unhealthy dose of brash actions and unbridled emotions, I’ve given up trying to revert things to the way they were and decided to live for myself. On the first day of this year my one and only resolution is to make this the best year yet, and I distinctly remember the bitter irony of it all when the first quarter of 2008 turned out to be my worst. Still, looking at the bright side, I could now boast of having had actual insomnia, or having gone on a chain-smoking rampage. I mean, those are PRACTICALLY stepping stones to adulthood.

However, I think that I am finally getting around to fulfilling my 2008 resolution XD. Now, if I could only make my assignments disappear…

Did I mention that I finally grew the balls to stuff my eyes with contact lenses? I’m all talk and no action about ditching the glasses for the past few years, and I probably still would have been if not because of some seriously eager salesperson at an Optical 88 store in Times Square who dumped samples in my lap the moment I inquired about the prices. Before I knew it he was adjusting my glasses, wiping them and replacing the nose pads WHILE poking bits of hydrogel into the eyeballs of a very apprehensive me.

Talk about excellent customer service. I ended up buying RM110 worth of products on the very spot. =.=

But okay lah I’ve grown accustomed to them now despite the occasional irritation. Funny thing is after I start wearing contacts regularly, people kept on commenting on how similar I look to a Yang Zhong Wei who is supposedly some Taiwanese singer. While most people would be flattered to be compared to a celebrity, I am starting to take it as an insult because I find him butt ugly -____-“. And I don’t think I bloody look like him at all!! Would you go and Google image him and see for yourself? How come I always get the crappy lookalikes? I mean, the last time I was compared to a famous person it had to be that nutty Korean guy who went on a killing spree in an American college a few years ago wtf. Why can’t you compare me to Koo Tin Lok? Or Lee Hom. Or Takeshi.

…oh God I am vain.

Oh, and I love being a gym coach because I am paid to do something I enjoy. You know, if it wasn’t because of the filthy riches and the status offered by the engineering profession I would probably give it the finger and become a personal trainer instead. And no, it does not have anything to do with sweating girls in gym clothes (which, COINCIDENTALLY, is in abundance at the class that I teach).

Besides, I just found out one of my female students is a bisexual. o.0 During break we would actually sit in a corner and discreetly check out the girls of the class together, and I swear to God she is even more meticulous than me when it comes to it. Checking out chicks with a chick. I knew there was a higher calling the day I signed up.