yes indeedy

My thoughts exactly.

squiggly symbols give me migraines

As I pen this post I am nursing a head that feels 351864521215 heavier than its original weight of um, 1 kg? Come to think of it I never actually wondered how heavy my head is until now. Anyway, have you ever seen those photos of impossibly convoluted equations that are circulated just for morbid amusement, the way AXN showcases footage of people breaking their necks on TV? I happen to be that very skater diving headfirst onto the concrete floor, except that it was really my brain slamming against the metaphoric concrete.

I really should've opted to study something simpler and live a mediocre life driving Proton Sagas, because when your brain feels like a wrung dishcloth the prospects of a leather-lined luxurious BMW doesn't have the same inspirational kick it did. This engineering gig had better cash in, and fast.

Oh, and I stumbled upon this quote recently. I think I'm gonna make it my life motto.

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."

Damn right, Mark Twain. Fuck them exams.

the pounding headache

I want to write, to express the turmoil within, to exorcise the demons of mine.

But even the simplest sentence structure evades me. I think I am too saturated with equations. You would think that after 8 semesters I would have this exam stress in check, but noooooo.

That little black book still lay solemnly on my desk untouched. I cannot bear the irony of it all should I ever pen my thoughts in it.

p.s Even though I've lost thousands of theoretical dollars on Facebook, blackjack is surprisingly fun XD

tagged by cynthia

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 11.13a.m

Name: Thomas

Sisters: 2

Brothers: 1

Shoe Size: 10 or 11. You know what they say about people with big feet ;)

Height: 180cm

Where do you live: Currently at my dingy college hostel room

Favourite drinks: Water, water, water, milk, chinese tea and um, water.

Favourite breakfast: A yummay blend of skim milk, oats and protein shake

Have you ever been on a plane?: Long long time ago

Swam in the ocean: Yeah, at Redang. Never swim in the oceans in Penang unless you want someone's used condom on your face

Fallen asleep at school: Lost count of the number of times

Broken someone's heart: Well, not exactly. I think

Fell off your chair: Haha. Nope I treasure my neck too much

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Sat all day

What is your room like: A freaking war zone right now. Mice could burrow and nest in the piles of paper and I still wouldn't know about it

What's right beside you: Some dude. I'm at the library

What is the last thing you ate: Um...milk and oats.

Ever had chicken pox: During lower primary I think
Sore throat: Yep
Stitches: Hahah nope. I was a docile kid
Broken nose: Nope

Do you believe in love at first sight: Does lust count?

Like picnics: If i am with the right people. (Cynthia I curi your answer)

Who was, were the last person you:
Danced with: LOL a gym student of mine. Long story
Last made you smile: A coursemate of mine. We were joking about big forearms and the uh...exercises at home we could do to develop them. No need for any equipment, just a certain video or two
You last yelled at: Someone.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Nope
Kissed anyone: Nope
Get sick: Nope. I'm a healthy bugger
Talk to an ex: Nope.
Miss someone: Hahaha. Yeah.

Best feeling in the world: A gym rat like me? Moving mountains of iron weighing 146.7% of your bodyweight

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Noooooooo

What's under your bed: God knows what foul creatures lurk there

Who do you really hate: People who accuse 60 year old men of fucking them in the ass. Basically those who throw false accusations la.

What time is it now?: 11.34

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. Fighting with girls
2. Playing Starcraft and shamelessly cheating at them. Power overwhelming!!
3. Doing my homework like the nice responsible boy I used to be
4. Waiting impatiently for the Saturday morning cartoons. I was a big fan
5. Um..tucking in my shirt?

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Attend a talk. I won't bore you with the details
2. Finish my project progress report
3. Get some studying done
4. Bum around
5. Get some sleep

5 snacks I enjoy: (hahaha you guys are so gonna roll your eyes at this)
1. Protein shake
2. Peanut butter
3. Skim milk
4. Almonds
5. Okay okay here's an actual junk food. Oreos dunked in milk. Mmmmm

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Buy a huge beachhouse in Florida and the Caribbeans.
2. Buy out the entire StarHill
3. Buy a Lamborghini and a Ducati
4. Travel around the world
5. And of course, give some back to parents, siblings and charity. See, I'm holy too

5 of my bad habits:
1. Swearing. I put sailors to shame
2. Being too cocky at times. Does that count?
3. Procrastinate. I think everyone's guilty of that
4. Hitting the snooze button too often
5. Go nuts when I get pissed off

5 places I have lived/stayed a night in:
1. My room in Penang
2. My hostel room in KL
3. Hotels, motels, yadda yadda
4. Friends' places
5. What else ah. I generalise until got nowhere else left

5 things I will do after complete what I'm busy with:
1. Sleep
2. Hit the gym. But I do that even when I'm busy
3. Take over a friend's computer for a night of Rainbow Six!!
4. Take over a friend's computer for a night of Assassin's Creed!!
5. Watch a movie. Wonder if Zohan is any good.

I tag : Whoever who wants to do this.

because we all need that sliver of light

Now at the risk of sounding REALLY hypocritical here, what's up with the gloomy emo atmosphere that seems to plague the blogosphere (it rhymes!) recently? Sure, I wrote the book on being emo to a point where people bloody use me as a yardstick to measure one's levels of emoness, but still. Besides, being emo is my trademark WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE GIVING ME A RUN FOR MY MONEY. Last night I asked a friend about the obscene number of emo posts in her blog that actually came close to rivalling mine and her reply was "Being emo is my hobby."

Well, that's one way to look at it.

So I guess it's up to me to pepper the world with sunshiny good news! Yes, me! Yes, I know I'm the last person you would expect to crap rainbows and pots of gold but since you people took over my emo monopoly I have no choice but to diversify.

1. I'm going to Scotland to wear skirts and blow bagpipes!

I constantly amaze myself with my ability to pop a bad gay jokes out of the blue. But yeah, I am almost certaingly giving the Sheffield top up degree the boot and going for the bigger prize instead; a Masters course in Oil & Gas Engineering at Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen, Scotland. RGU recently established a partnership with TARC, recognising the engineering Advanced Diploma courses as an ample academic prerequisite to enter their Masters courses.

The best part is that the Times 2009 University Guide affirmed claims by RGU that they have the highest graduate employability rate in the whole UK, rivalling even Oxford! Scotland has this law that allows graduates to work for up to 2 years without having to apply for a work permit, and Times stated that RGU has close ties to the oil and gas sector in Aberdeen (which is an oil-producing state like Kelantan) . And everybody knows that megabuck salaries lie waiting in the oil and gas industry, with it being a specialised course coupled with the worldwide demand and all, so BMWs here I come!

2. I am moving to Genting Klang

Not exactly good news, but done for the greater good. It will just for the next few weeks :)

3. My books love me once again.

And I loved them back. Somehow I managed to study till 5 in the morning whipping my brain into oblivion and still make it in time for the 8am lecture. Yep, the mad nerd within me is slowly surfacing once again, which is good because muahahah Control Systems you don't scare me anymore come here I pawn you and your stupid steady state errors left and right why am I talking to my books hee hee ha ha.

Sure, they're not much when compared to, say, winning a million bucks but hey I'm counting my stars in these depressing times. Besides, being merry and optimistic is one helluva refreshing change from the gloomy mood that plagues my old blog and should the occasion ever arise when I need to detach myself there is always a pack of cigs and a tenth of a whiskey bottle waiting patiently ;)

I admit that my stunning display of assholism surprised even me. I tried to vindicate myself by taking a long hard look at things but I only came up with the strangling weeds of resentment that threw my self-justification out of the window. Perhaps it is best to just let sleeping dogs lie.

the essence of a world captured in a symphony

The mythical forest of Lothlorien was brought to life amidst the ghostly incomprehensible croons accompanied by the symphony of solemn horns and trumpets. I allowed myself to walk through the slivers of sunlight peeking from the canopy of leaves above, dwarfed by the sheer majesty of the robust trunks that populated Lothlorien, residents of the ancient whose silence masked the witnessing of thousand years of conflict. I walked through the bubbling brooks, flowing harmoniously to the serenading soprano in the background, through the rock formations that seemed to stare upon me with grave expressions, through the forest clearings where curious eyes peeked from within the darkness at this human intruder. I walked and I saw the radiant Lady of the Forest, Galadriel, who held out her hand for the Ring. And for the first time I realised that I was bearing the Ring all along, a burden made greater with my reluctance to bear it through the rocky path that lay ahead.

“Come,” she said. “Give me the Ring and I will set you free of it.”

The sopranos halted abruptly at her utterance, and there was the pounding of war drums accompanied by high-pitched songs of Rohan. The trees around me fell like dominoes and burned, and out of the thin air both Riders and orcs sprang and battled each other fiercely. Cries of the dying echoed in the air, and the invisible voices of the sopranos returned, this time chorusing to a fearful and urgent tune. In the horizon of the chaos and destruction three ominous figures stood tall, and they were Saurons, one for each demon within me that I still fight.

There I stood in the burning battlefield, with death and decay all around me while facing my three demons, armed with nothing more than the Ring my burden. The sopranos, as though sympathetic with my personal war, sung a complex matrix of tunes, one concocted with ingredients from the whirlwind of conflicts that still rages within.

The war is still being fought, the demons undefeated, and I am still holding on to the Ring, desperate as I am to be rid of it but let’s just hope in miracles that always seems to be in abundance in fiction, fantasy and the symphonies of Howard Shore.

the elusive pusrawi medical report

I stumbled across images of the controversial Pusrawi medical report from the whole Anwar vs. Saiful sodomy thing. I find this whole affair to be one heck of an entertaining circus, though it is kind of sad that it shows that the leaders of our nation are only smart enough to come up with a conspiracy plot riddled with enough holes in it to sink an aircraft carrier.

I mean, smart a bit lah. How the heck could a 60-year old with a bad back play backside with a 23 year old without the latter's consent? And would the people truly believe that Anwar is stupid enough to risk his political momentum on plugging some cornhole? How stupid could Badawi be, telling the nation that Anwar's 10-year old DNA is not good enough to analyse when scientists are able to identify the DNA of a 40,000 year old Neanderthal? What an embarassment to the nation.

But can anyone read the bloody scribbles? I can't make head or tail of it.

what a rainy ending given to a perfect day

I slowly shuffle home on that warm evening, nursing a pounding headache courtesy of kinematic mechanical systems and forced vibrations. I like the fact that the shit I study sounds uber cool and to a certain extent do enjoy figuring out the problems, but the fact that it gave me headaches reminiscent of African tribal beats every time I try to delve into its obscene laws and theorems is a real deterrant.

It is the end of Week 10 and I am nowhere near the end of my revisions. Assignment dates are still glaring at me in my mental calendar along with my sister's photocopied graduation result slip tacked on my notice board. 3.75. What kind of sick mind graduates with a 3.75 in engineering? Sigh.

I constantly struggle with my conflicting aspirations; studies, bodybuilding and the finer aspects of life. I have yet to find the balance between them, it is like walking a tightrope with a balance bar that was unequally weighted on both ends. I have a lot on my mind, written and confined to the hidden folder within the bowels of my computer. To be frank, I have been thrown of from that tightrope numerous times and each time I grasp at the pathetic shreds of a safety net that I often neglect to set up for myself before I walk that metaphoric tightrope.

I have a lot to write, and a lot more to say but I think I'll keep my reins on them for now.

On that particular warm evening with the pounding African tribal drum headache I stopped by the convenience store in the hostel and purchased  a roll of Oreo biscuits because the sugar rush it provides has always been a stress reliever for me. Throw in some milk to dunk them in and a good Simpsons episode and I'm a small boy once again, oblivious to the turbulence that awaits beyond the doors of my room.