when things go a little too well

I just broke a toilet bowl brush while cleaning the toilet. A few weeks ago a pen snapped in two in my own hands, and I wasn't even gripping it that hard! (I think)

I know that I focus a lot on strength training, with the bulk of my training sessions designed using Bill Starr's 5x5 principles and powerlifting techniques, but this is just ridiculous. What if I broke Little Thomas during the self-luvin' acts I indulge in? Eh? Eh? This is damn scary wei.

that tinny voice beyond the electronic divide

"So why did you call me? I know there's something you wanna talk to me."

"...Can I be frank to you?"

"Heh. I knew it."

"Can I tell you everything that is going on in my head and trust you to keep it between us?"

"Of course."

"Without fear of judgment or prejudice?"

"You know I never judge you."

And thus I let go of one of the demons within me. It's good to be home.

the weeks that flit by

Have you heard of Hale, the Filipino band? Recently their songs wormed their way into my iTunes and for some reason every song of theirs remind me of you. Perhaps it is the slightly gay emo trademark tone of theirs that I once shared with them, perhaps it is my subconcious missing you so much that it forces the concious mind to relate every single bloody emo song to you, perhaps I just got sick of fantasising about Katy Perry clad in a pink bustier kissing away at girls sprawled on goose down pillows and decided to avert my acoustic mood somewhere else. I don't know.

Complicated situations are like rabbits; they spawn offsprings of theirs like nobody's business. There is a reason I've been MIA these few weeks, and while there is a lot I want to say to you I just couldn't bring myself to kill the surprisingly lighthearted atmosphere. Maybe one day. Maybe never. 

But running away from the cops sure is fun.   

i blame it on the full moon

Yesterday when the clock struck 12 I was seated at my desk poring over a bunch of equations that is supposed to make a satellite run. Yes, a satellite. I'd love to give my Control Systems lecturer the finger and tell him that I DID NOT SIGN UP for fancy shmancy stuff like satellite control because I am too dumb to know that, but all my life I have been brought up to swallow the shit our educators throw at us so yes there I was trying to work out a bunch of Greek symbols that will determine if that bloody satellite continues its orbit or crashes. 

I wonder if I could I write the equation so the satellite starts hurtling in the direction of TARC instead. With me safely tucked away in Penang, of course.

Anyway it was the Mooncake Festival and my neighbours were being the usual buffoons. My roommate just returned from a mooncake eating contest o_0 where he miraculously survived scarfing down two mooncakes without drinking any water at all, and managed to win the second place. I was amazed that he did not clog his esophagus and suffocate to death because contestants will be disqualified for drinking water. I have a newfound respect for his abilities. 

Besides his mooncake eating abilities, however, the roomie has a special talent for amassing large amounts of food when the occasion calls for it, and yesterday there was a nice spread of fishballs, chinese sausages and chilli chicken in our room and naturally, half the residents on my floor were stuffing their faces. I was annoyed at first because please, people! I am dictating the course of a theoretical multibillion dollar satellite, and who is to blame if a missing Greek symbol were to be the cause behind a manmade, mechanical, multibillion asteroid merrily making its way towards us? Theoretically, of course. They would never let me near any device that is worth even a fraction of the cost because my calculations are often plagued with careless mistakes and I have a fear of spanners, but still. 

Somehow they managed to not notice my death stares and murderous aura, because they would often thrust a greasy chicken wing at me and I would politely decline, with a hint of daggers in my tone of course. Then I would revert my attention back to my equations and try to work out the differences between a zeta and sigma before another thrusts a bunch of meatballs on a stick in my face. Rinse and repeat. When I return to my equations for the fourth time, world weariness caught up with me and suddenly the symbols that made so much sense five minutes ago seemed like, well, Greek to me. 

I looked up. "Are there still chicken wings left?" 

And the next thing I know I was outside my block, shirtless and a little drunk (roomie started pulling out bottles of beer from nowhere. I love him. Sniff), catcalling passing girls with the motley bunch of J Block residents and howling with chauvinistic laughter with every angry reply hurled back at us. Ah well, it's good to be a bum sometimes.

p/s. I don't know why, but "Xiao jie! Do you want to eat my mooncake?" has a certain sexual innuendo to it.

you bloody cowardly bastards

So the government has finally shown its true, cowardly colours and brought out the big guns, detaining RPK, Teresa Kok and the Sin Chew journalist in one fell sweep using that goddamn draconian law ISA. Apparently there will be more to come. Somehow I don't find it hard to imagine a laser crosshair trained upon Anwar Ibrahim's forehead.

You fucking bastards. Your wanton use of the draconian law, as well as disregard for basic human rights to trial and judgment is a double-bladed sword. By unjustly detaining these people whose only crimes in your biased eyes were to expose the corruption and filthy politics that run rampant in your party, with Umno in particular you have somehow managed to incense the already flaming anger of the people.

Fuck you and your ISA laws. Fuck Ahmad Ismail and his ugly racism. Why the fuck should the Sin Chew reporter be detained for doing her job when that fat ugly sonofabitch is the one who ignited this storm of racism?

Fuck you Badawi and your lack of balls. Fuck you Mahathir. I have lost all of my respect for you after realising that you were the man behind ISA and Ops Lalang. You're fucking 80+, what the fuck are you doing, throwing yourself back into the fray instead of curling up somewhere and die?

Fuck you Umno cronies. Fuck you Barisan component parties for being the muzzled, sedated pet dogs you are.

916 may not happen on 916 itself thanks to your MPs playing hide and seek in Taiwan, but it will happen. The people will support Anwar Ibrahim's takeover and on that day you bastards seated up there in your political throne will bite the dust.

FUUUUUUUUCK

12 September 2008

To : All Students Concerned
Electronic Engineering Division
Materials Engineering Division
Mechanical Engineering Division

RE : Engineering Council May 2008 Examination Results

Please be informed that the results for Engineering Council Examination May 2008 are now available for collection. Please collect your result from the undersigned at SOT office.

Thank You.

Okay. Okay. Now to start thinking up on excuses to give if I were to flunk the papers. Dammit why do they have to announce the arrival of the results in the midst of exams what a morale killer.

break out the popcorn and chips

Cause we got one heck of a drama going on in the country.

Dr Mahathir is rejoining Umno to back Tengku Razaleigh to be the next president of Umno. 

His son Mukhriz Mahathir is challenging the Son in Law for the position of Umno Youth chief.

Gerakan is seriously considering pulling out of the BN coalition.

Syed Hamid has finally relented a little to the criticisms against the controversial DNA Bill. Small reassurance, but still. 

Ahmad Ismail just about pissed off millions and millions of Chinese in the country. Did he not know that anthropological theories place the origins of Malays from Yunnan, China? Oh, the irony.

Barisan, scared shitless of Anwar's impending takeover, sent its MPs on a trip overseas to Taiwan thinly disguised as an agricultural field trip so the MPs can supposedly pass on their knowledge to our farmers. When the fuck was the last time you see an MP on the paddy fields?

A vacant seat just opened up at Pensiangan, Sabah. Dare we expect another Permatang Pauh?

916 is coming. :)

I really should be studying for my exams. 

one thing we final year students have in common

[00:20] j o n s o n: haha
[00:20] j o n s o n: nvm le
[00:20] j o n s o n: i died d
[00:20] j o n s o n: my paper on fri so freaking hard
[00:20] j o n s o n: no time to finish also
[00:20] j o n s o n: cb
[00:21] j o n s o n: 5 long question in 1.5hours
[00:21] j o n s o n: fuck d lecturer man
[00:21] *†homas*: hahaha
[00:21] *†homas*: final year lecturers like that wan la
[00:21] *†homas*: fuck them man
[00:21] j o n s o n: yea man
[00:21] j o n s o n: they trying to fail us
[00:21] j o n s o n: so we have to pay more
[00:21] j o n s o n: cb
[00:21] j o n s o n: fuck them
[00:22] *†homas*: lol
[00:22] *†homas*: can pass onot
[00:23] j o n s o n: i donno man
[00:23] j o n s o n: i really donno
[00:23] j o n s o n: i praying pass
[00:23] j o n s o n: even scholarship students complain
[00:23] j o n s o n: no time
[00:23] *†homas*: fuh. really ah
[00:23] *†homas*: yeala. my exam also the good students give up
[00:23] *†homas*: wtf right
[00:24] j o n s o n: yea man
[00:24] j o n s o n: i got a fren
[00:24] j o n s o n: under uq scholarship
[00:24] j o n s o n: she never finish her paper
[00:24] j o n s o n: lol
[00:24] j o n s o n: no time
[00:24] j o n s o n: d lecturers wana kill us
[00:25] *†homas*: yea. wtf is wrong with them
[00:25] *†homas*: motherfuckers

[00:18] *†homas*: how u?
[00:19] ...*lynn*...: stress
[00:19] ...*lynn*...: worn out
[00:19] *†homas*: =/ as usual huh
[00:19] *†homas*: assignments?
[00:19] ...*lynn*...: yea
[00:20] ...*lynn*...: 2 presentaions, 1 essay,1 report and 1 midsem in the past 2 weeks
[00:20] ...*lynn*...: and the midsem on friday was at 8am
[00:20] ...*lynn*...: =(
[00:20] *†homas*: wow
[00:21] *†homas*: melb uni really doesnt mess around
[00:21] ...*lynn*...: =(
[00:22] *†homas*: well, dont feel so bad
[00:22] *†homas*: final year is like that i guess
[00:23] *†homas*: i just messed up a paper too hahaha
[00:23] ...*lynn*...: im feeling bad
[00:24] ...*lynn*...: diddnt do very well infirst semalthough i worked hard
[00:24] ...*lynn*...: so im like so disappointed
[00:24] *†homas*: hey, i know how it feels
[00:25] *†homas*: but i guess as long as we gave it our best shot yea?
[00:25] ...*lynn*...: but it wont get us anywhere.......
[00:25] ...*lynn*...: i dontthink any honours wil aceept me

Well, at least I'm not alone in facing this hell.

things to say in bed for dummies

If you've ever wanted a bit of help figuring out what's dirty sexy talk and what's just plain weird, then this "Things To Say During Sex" flow chart by comedian Doogie Horner may help. Included in the chart are varying levels of categories for the dirty talk including "good", "bad" or "meh", as well as several...creative ones like "religious" ('Hello vicar' wtf HAHAHHAA), animal noises, foreign words (the infamous French pickup line from Moulin Rouge is sorely missing) and of course, the notorious rhetorical questions like HU'S YOUR DADDAY?? 

Oh, and apparently emulating carnivores in bed is good for your sex life. Sheeps and pigs? Not so much.

For the record, however, I have to say that dirty talk is largely subjective and most definitely contextual. So while I agree with Doogie that I can't really imagine a situation in which "Your mom's a whore" or "Wanna suck this shit?" would go down well, I'm not so sure that being greeted as a vicar in bed would be so bad for Little Thomas and his friend.